Since I have a toddler, I have become much more aware of what I say and how often I say certain words. In case you've never been around a toddler, they like to repeat everything you say. My toddler says my goodness, snuggle, love you, and books more often than I ever would have thought. I love that she says these so often. It's adorable. The word she says the most, however, is no.
I have come to realize that I say no even more often than my toddler, and not just to my toddler, but to everyone. It is my default answer to almost everything. I don't think about it. I don't weigh the options. I just say no, to my husband, my mother-in-law, and even myself automatically.
Why is no my go to answer? I have no idea. I don't like it though. I want to actually think before saying yes, no, or any other response. Having my toddler say no so often makes me more aware of how often I say no. I'm trying hard to think before I give an answer, especially to my toddler. I don't want her to remember me as always saying no. I don't want my husband to think of me as "no fun Jess" anymore. I don't want to be so hard on myself and tell myself no for everything without considering if it would actually be good for me.
It's time I start to add a pause before answering with an automatic no. I think that will help me live a fuller, happier, more interesting life.
Friday, September 4, 2015
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Things I've Learned Since Becoming a Mom: Anxiety
My baby is almost a year old and I have learned a lot of things since having her and becoming a mom. The thing that I was the most unprepared for was postpartum anxiety. I knew all about postpartum depression and how scary and dangerous that could be and what to do if I started to feel depressed. I was unaware that postpartum anxiety even existed and had no clue how to handle it.
My baby's first few months of life were a roller coaster of emotions and stress. It only makes sense that anxiety would come along with it, but I didn't expect the amount of anxiety I would have over every thing that happened with my baby. L had to be in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. Every day some new, stressful thing would come up in the mornings, but overall, things went smoothly.
After coming home from those 2 weeks of stress, we decided that L needed to avoid being around too many people for a few months. I had been cooped up in the hospital with L so my husband thought it would be good for me to get out and go see a movie while his dad watched L. The anxiety that came from this was insane. I knew L would be fine and I had my phone on in case of an emergency, but I still had a panic attack in the middle of the movie. I have never been prone to panic attacks or anxiety before so the force of this took me off guard.
I completely broke down. I started crying and would have been shaking had it not been for my husband who took my hand and reminded me how to breathe. He asked if I wanted to leave, and honestly, I did, but I knew that I had to make this first big step (big for me) of being away from my child for a few hours. The longer it took me to make this step, the harder it would be for me. He kept reminding me that L would be fine, and that if something did happen, we would get a call. After a while, I was finally able to breathe again, and I calmed down enough to actually pay attention to the movie.
Every time we have done something new with L, whether it be leaving her at a grandparents house for a few hours, or going grocery shopping with her in tow, I have to fight off a panic attack. It gets a little easier each time, but I still have to force myself through it and remember to breathe. I don't know if this anxiety will ever go away, but I am learning to deal with it now so that, on the outside, it doesn't affect me as much.
What I wonder is why no one ever mentioned the anxiety to me. It's not in any of the books or websites I read, and it was not including with advice I was given from other mothers. When I brought this up to other mothers after it happened, they acted as if it was a given, that of course I would experience anxiety. I have never had to deal with anxiety and panic attacks so how was I supposed to expect this?
It's now been 10 months since L's birth and the anxiety is still there, but it's much easier to cope with now.
My baby's first few months of life were a roller coaster of emotions and stress. It only makes sense that anxiety would come along with it, but I didn't expect the amount of anxiety I would have over every thing that happened with my baby. L had to be in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. Every day some new, stressful thing would come up in the mornings, but overall, things went smoothly.
After coming home from those 2 weeks of stress, we decided that L needed to avoid being around too many people for a few months. I had been cooped up in the hospital with L so my husband thought it would be good for me to get out and go see a movie while his dad watched L. The anxiety that came from this was insane. I knew L would be fine and I had my phone on in case of an emergency, but I still had a panic attack in the middle of the movie. I have never been prone to panic attacks or anxiety before so the force of this took me off guard.
I completely broke down. I started crying and would have been shaking had it not been for my husband who took my hand and reminded me how to breathe. He asked if I wanted to leave, and honestly, I did, but I knew that I had to make this first big step (big for me) of being away from my child for a few hours. The longer it took me to make this step, the harder it would be for me. He kept reminding me that L would be fine, and that if something did happen, we would get a call. After a while, I was finally able to breathe again, and I calmed down enough to actually pay attention to the movie.
Every time we have done something new with L, whether it be leaving her at a grandparents house for a few hours, or going grocery shopping with her in tow, I have to fight off a panic attack. It gets a little easier each time, but I still have to force myself through it and remember to breathe. I don't know if this anxiety will ever go away, but I am learning to deal with it now so that, on the outside, it doesn't affect me as much.
What I wonder is why no one ever mentioned the anxiety to me. It's not in any of the books or websites I read, and it was not including with advice I was given from other mothers. When I brought this up to other mothers after it happened, they acted as if it was a given, that of course I would experience anxiety. I have never had to deal with anxiety and panic attacks so how was I supposed to expect this?
It's now been 10 months since L's birth and the anxiety is still there, but it's much easier to cope with now.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
I've decided to star the couch to 5k program again. I did my first run on Monday. The fun thing about it this time is that a friend of mine is doing it right now too, and she happened to start on Monday as well. Today is day 2 for both of us.
Monday's run went fairly well. During the run, I tried to pay attention to what tricks my mind was using on me to make me stop, how true or untrue those thoughts were, and figure out how my body actually feels. It's amazing to me how many times I tried to talk myself into stopping. I made so many excuses and reasons for why I had to stop and most of them were untrue. I could have made better excuses using the truth rather than the made up stuff that I tell myself since that is what I'm used to telling myself. Here are a few of the lies/reasons my mind came up with for why I should stop:
1. No one was in the gym with me so no one would know if I didn't actually complete the workout.
2. I can't run for a full minute without stopping because my asthma won't let me
3. I don't really want to run anyway. I've never liked it much
4. I'll pass out or fall off this treadmill soon if I don't stop
5. I've done enough for today. I don't really need to finish this do I?
6. I'll never be a good runner. My body isn't made to do this
7. Holy crap my legs hurt. I have to stop before I damage something
Some of those are seriously baffeling to me, but those were actually the ones that got closest to making me stop. Now, here is the truth behind all those reasons and why I didn't listen to them.
1. I'll know if I didn't do this and I hate lying to my husband since I know how proud of me he'd be if I just complete this. Besides, I'm sick of lying to myself and saying I'll do something and then not do it.
2. While that may be true sometimes, during that run, my breathing was just fine. I know what it feels like to have an asthma attack, and when one is coming on and I was fine. I was breathing heavily, which I'm not used to, but I was getting enough air.
3. I've never liked running because I've never been able to do it for long. I have to start somewhere. Maybe I won't like running, but since I've never actually tried doing it for very long, I can't justify saying I don't like it.
4. I felt light headed a bit, but not nearly enough to pass out.
5. I'd done more than what I usually did, but I was there to see if I could do the whole thing, not just part of it. I wanted to prove to myself that I am tough enough to do this.
6. My body can do amazing things. I may never be a race winning runner, but I can run and my body is made to move.
7. Yes, my legs hurt...a lot, but they didn't feel damaged. They felt sore and tired like they are supposed to when you run. They were still moving at the pace I wanted them to and I hadn't even come close to falling so they were fine.
It's crazy what my mind will do to try to get me to not work out. I'm determined to continue to pay attention to them so I can stop those thoughts in their tracks and change them into something positive instead. I will not be defeated by my own mind anymore. I'm not happy with how I look and act, so something has to change. That something is my mind set. I can feel the shift starting. I know I'm in for a tough ride, but I also know that I am capable of doing this.
Monday's run went fairly well. During the run, I tried to pay attention to what tricks my mind was using on me to make me stop, how true or untrue those thoughts were, and figure out how my body actually feels. It's amazing to me how many times I tried to talk myself into stopping. I made so many excuses and reasons for why I had to stop and most of them were untrue. I could have made better excuses using the truth rather than the made up stuff that I tell myself since that is what I'm used to telling myself. Here are a few of the lies/reasons my mind came up with for why I should stop:
1. No one was in the gym with me so no one would know if I didn't actually complete the workout.
2. I can't run for a full minute without stopping because my asthma won't let me
3. I don't really want to run anyway. I've never liked it much
4. I'll pass out or fall off this treadmill soon if I don't stop
5. I've done enough for today. I don't really need to finish this do I?
6. I'll never be a good runner. My body isn't made to do this
7. Holy crap my legs hurt. I have to stop before I damage something
Some of those are seriously baffeling to me, but those were actually the ones that got closest to making me stop. Now, here is the truth behind all those reasons and why I didn't listen to them.
1. I'll know if I didn't do this and I hate lying to my husband since I know how proud of me he'd be if I just complete this. Besides, I'm sick of lying to myself and saying I'll do something and then not do it.
2. While that may be true sometimes, during that run, my breathing was just fine. I know what it feels like to have an asthma attack, and when one is coming on and I was fine. I was breathing heavily, which I'm not used to, but I was getting enough air.
3. I've never liked running because I've never been able to do it for long. I have to start somewhere. Maybe I won't like running, but since I've never actually tried doing it for very long, I can't justify saying I don't like it.
4. I felt light headed a bit, but not nearly enough to pass out.
5. I'd done more than what I usually did, but I was there to see if I could do the whole thing, not just part of it. I wanted to prove to myself that I am tough enough to do this.
6. My body can do amazing things. I may never be a race winning runner, but I can run and my body is made to move.
7. Yes, my legs hurt...a lot, but they didn't feel damaged. They felt sore and tired like they are supposed to when you run. They were still moving at the pace I wanted them to and I hadn't even come close to falling so they were fine.
It's crazy what my mind will do to try to get me to not work out. I'm determined to continue to pay attention to them so I can stop those thoughts in their tracks and change them into something positive instead. I will not be defeated by my own mind anymore. I'm not happy with how I look and act, so something has to change. That something is my mind set. I can feel the shift starting. I know I'm in for a tough ride, but I also know that I am capable of doing this.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Week 1
Well, I'm 1 week into the deal I made with Wil to lose weight. So far, I'm down 3 lbs. I've done really well with eating better. I still need to work out more, but that is getting better as well. I'm getting better and making myself wake up at 4:30 in the morning and do a workout no matter how tired I am. I did it this morning and although I am tired, I'm very alert and am functioning well at work.
I have a ton of support on this weight lose thing right now and I love it. Wil has been supportive without getting on my case about it (which is an improvement). My mom and I are calling each other daily to discuss our eating habits, ideas on what to change, and how we are doing about working out. I am in a group of 4 other 20-29 year olds who need to lose the same amount as me and weight very close to what I weight right now. We post messages daily to each other to share how we are doing and give suggestions to each other one how to fix the things we are struggling with. It's been amazing. Having a few people that I know will be waiting to hear how I am doing is helping me stick to what I know I should be doing.
Week 1 has been great!
I have a ton of support on this weight lose thing right now and I love it. Wil has been supportive without getting on my case about it (which is an improvement). My mom and I are calling each other daily to discuss our eating habits, ideas on what to change, and how we are doing about working out. I am in a group of 4 other 20-29 year olds who need to lose the same amount as me and weight very close to what I weight right now. We post messages daily to each other to share how we are doing and give suggestions to each other one how to fix the things we are struggling with. It's been amazing. Having a few people that I know will be waiting to hear how I am doing is helping me stick to what I know I should be doing.
Week 1 has been great!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
New Deal
Yesterday, I made a deal with Wil that I will weigh between 130-135 lbs by Feb. 14th. In the past, I've tried to motivate myself with positive (I get something if I make my goal). I'd start out strong and then my motivation would go away. This time, I've decided that there should be something to deter me from giving up. We have agreed that if I do make my goal, I get to buy an item I've wanted for a while, but couldn't justify getting it. If I don't make my goal, I will not be able to use any of our cameras until I weigh 125-130 lbs. As I love taking pictures and take my cameras everywhere with me, I think this will be a HUGE deterrent when I want to give up, or give in to temptations. Something has to change. I’ve tried all the positive reinforcement and it hasn’t worked. I’ve tried writing a workout into my schedule and it hasn’t worked. Letting myself down was a deterrent, but it wasn’t strong enough. The thought of not being able to use my cameras is really hard on me. Especially since we typically go to Bryce Canyon shortly after Valentine’s Day and I don’t know how I could go and not have my camera. It would drive me crazy! Hopefully I can stick with things this time.
I got my morning work out in this morning. I'm also working on reducing my bread intake. I eat a crazy amount of bread/bread products. I'm sure this is a huge reason why I haven't been losing weight. Now to just stick to this during the holidays. Wish me luck!
I got my morning work out in this morning. I'm also working on reducing my bread intake. I eat a crazy amount of bread/bread products. I'm sure this is a huge reason why I haven't been losing weight. Now to just stick to this during the holidays. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Sleep Deprived
I don't know what is going on with me, but I am feeling totally sleep deprived. I typically am in bed by 9 at the latest, but I usually can't fall asleep for quite a while. When I do get to sleep, I don't seem to sleep well. Either I wake up a lot or I have crazy, and sometimes disturbing dreams and wake up feeling like I never went to bed. I hope this ends soon.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Blech
As I've said, this blog is for my random thoughts. This post wil be one of those times when I just want to write out my thoughts. It is not intended to be taken completely seriously. It is not a request for some serious advice or anything. I just need to get out of my own head a little and writing is my way of doing that. Of course, if you have some advice that you believe would be helpful, I am always happy to hear it. Ok, here I go...
Have you ever wanted to kill your spouse, but you have no idea exactly why you want that? I have. This past week has been really hard on me and, other than the obvious reason, I have no idea why.
My asthma has been awful this week, especially Monday night through Wednesday, but it still isn't where I would like it to be. I had a blessing on Monday and went to the doctor on Tuesday. My doctor gave me a ton more medicine and strict instructions on how much to take of what and when. It was insane.
So, lately, anytime Wil reminds me to take my medicine or asks me if I've done it (which he only does because he's concerned about my health..I know...), I end up getting really snippity and think of a ton of ways to use my medicine to make him uncomfortable. I know that doesn't really fit with the whole "newlywed" thing usually, but I've never claimed to be normal.
Anyway, I've come up with and, thankfully avoided doing, many horrific things that I could do to my husband, or the next person who happens to look at me. Even when Wil has done nothing annoying and hasn't said anything remotely obnoxious, I sometimes still want to destroy him. So my question is why. I don't think I could ever actually figure that out.
Last night, while I was getting ready for bed, I had one of those unexplainable moments. I was just listening to my iPod as I got ready for bed and layed down to go to sleep. Wil wasn't even in the room. When he came in to talk to me for a few seconds, I was annoyed that he didn't realize I was in a bad mood and that he didn't try to cheer me up, and at the same time, I was thankful that he stayed away.
I don't think I'll ever really understand what has been going on with me this week. In the end though, I've decided that no matter how much I might feel the urge to kill my husband, if in the end, I realize that I love him far more than I am annoyed by him, than that is what matters. Since I love him more than anything else in my life, besides my faith, I don't think I could ever actually bring myself to do anything to hurt him.
Thus ends my rambling thoughts.
Have you ever wanted to kill your spouse, but you have no idea exactly why you want that? I have. This past week has been really hard on me and, other than the obvious reason, I have no idea why.
My asthma has been awful this week, especially Monday night through Wednesday, but it still isn't where I would like it to be. I had a blessing on Monday and went to the doctor on Tuesday. My doctor gave me a ton more medicine and strict instructions on how much to take of what and when. It was insane.
So, lately, anytime Wil reminds me to take my medicine or asks me if I've done it (which he only does because he's concerned about my health..I know...), I end up getting really snippity and think of a ton of ways to use my medicine to make him uncomfortable. I know that doesn't really fit with the whole "newlywed" thing usually, but I've never claimed to be normal.
Anyway, I've come up with and, thankfully avoided doing, many horrific things that I could do to my husband, or the next person who happens to look at me. Even when Wil has done nothing annoying and hasn't said anything remotely obnoxious, I sometimes still want to destroy him. So my question is why. I don't think I could ever actually figure that out.
Last night, while I was getting ready for bed, I had one of those unexplainable moments. I was just listening to my iPod as I got ready for bed and layed down to go to sleep. Wil wasn't even in the room. When he came in to talk to me for a few seconds, I was annoyed that he didn't realize I was in a bad mood and that he didn't try to cheer me up, and at the same time, I was thankful that he stayed away.
I don't think I'll ever really understand what has been going on with me this week. In the end though, I've decided that no matter how much I might feel the urge to kill my husband, if in the end, I realize that I love him far more than I am annoyed by him, than that is what matters. Since I love him more than anything else in my life, besides my faith, I don't think I could ever actually bring myself to do anything to hurt him.
Thus ends my rambling thoughts.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Blog for me and Wil
I decided that since this blog is for my random thoughts, I'd create a blog for me and Wil to share. Here's our new blog address: http://wil-jess.blogspot.com/ Feel free to take a look. Wil probably won't be writing much on it, but I'll make sure everyone knows what's going on with him anyway.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Final Countdown
The wedding is less than a week away! I can't believe it. The past three weeks have gone so fast (except for the hours when I was working of course). I am so excited to marry Wil. He's my best friend, my everything. He means more to me than I could begin to express. I'm so glad that he fits in so well with my family and that I fit in with his. This past year has been full of ups and downs, but I'm so happy to be finishing the year married to the man I love. It's been an amazing ride, and I can't wait to start on our next great adventure, together.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Me & Wil
So, I am in a really weird mood and I'm super hyper, so I actually put make up on today. So, not only is my hair super cute from last night, my face also looks good. I made Wil put up with my silliness and got some pictures of both of us. Considering I was taking most of them without a tripod or anything, they turned out really cute.
New Hair
My mom and I went to get our hair cut (well, get my trimmed and hers cut) last night. It was a lot of fun. Mom came with me to where I get my hair done, Lunatic Fringe. Her stylist was Sarah. I was with my usual stylist, McKenzie, who I think is amazing. McKenzie was very careful not to change my length too much, since she knew I was getting married in a month, and did a really cute blow dry to make my hair have soft curls. Sarah gave mom a new look. First she did it curly (which I only kind of saw through the mirror when McKenzie wasn't in the way (mom was directly behind me). Once I was finished, I got to see Sarah straightening mom's hair. I've never seen it straightened and it looked SO good. I made Wil take pictures of our cuteness.
Mom's new hair
Mom's new hair
The back
We're so cute
Yes, I am a dork..
We're so cute
Yes, I am a dork..
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
The Kenner's
Last night, Wil and I went out to get sushi with our good friends, Chris & Brittany Kenner. It was a blast. The sushi was great, the people we were with are awesome, we laughed a lot, and we got some crazy pictures, and even a few cute ones. The place is called Tokai Sushi 4U and has some of the best sushi I've had. After we were all stuffed, we went back to Wil's. We played Little Big Planet, which is crazy, but seriously fun with four people, and then watched Iron Man. Wil just recently hooked up the surround sound so he was excited to show it off. It was awesome. I fell asleep long before the movie ended. Anyway, I've got the pictures from last night below.
Monday, November 3, 2008
November Already?
Holy cow! It's November. There's only a little over a month now before the wedding and the final details have to start coming together now. Luckily, this should be my last week of school. This week will be crazy since I have 2 group projects to do, but after that, I'll only have to worry about work and the wedding. I don't have much planned this month, unlike last month which had something going on pretty much every day, but that's probably a good thing, since I'll need to be running around trying to get things taken care of.
So what do I still have to get done? I really don't know for sure (I know...that's a really bad thing). But, here is the list of things I do need to do (if I don't get them out of my head and written somewhere I'll go a little crazy):
Anyway, time to get back to work. I've got a ton to do (not even including that list above) and very little time.
So what do I still have to get done? I really don't know for sure (I know...that's a really bad thing). But, here is the list of things I do need to do (if I don't get them out of my head and written somewhere I'll go a little crazy):
- Meet with the florist to finalize the details (hopefully will be done on Thursday)
- Get head count for the ceremony/luncheon (even though we pretty much know who's coming already)
- Finalize reception decorations/talk to Steph and Jenn to see what still needs to be done for that
- Get marriage license (I'm told that that is important :D)
- Get ring cleaned (easily done anytime I'm at the mall..)
- Figure out how to go about the whole name change thing and how long I have to change everything (this is the one that scares me the most..)
- Find time to spend with Wil.
Anyway, time to get back to work. I've got a ton to do (not even including that list above) and very little time.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Busy Busy Weekend
This weekend was a crazy one for me. I had SO many things going on all at once. Friday was my birthday, but it was a fairly normal day. Carleen decorated my desk at work and made a cake for me. That was nice. Also, my work friends got me a $25 gift certificate to Wal-Mart. The day at work went by like usual.
After work, I worked on making cookies. Half way through making the cookies, Wil's brother, Drew, came over to help us get the couch that was downstairs out onto the patio. Wil and I purchased a really nice couch from my great aunt that we want to move down there. The blue couch that was being moved out is seriously heavy. Drew was at the bottom holding most of the weight. Moving that thing just about made Wil pass out since he's not really used to moving heavy objects. Drew was resting the couch on his head for a while, so we were afraid he might break his neck for the 3rd time. It was scary to watch all of that an know there was nothing I could do to help.
After moving that, I went back to making cookies only to discover that we were out of chocolate chips (which is crazy because I swear there were at least 2 bags in 2 different cupboards last week). So, Wil and I went to go get chocolate chips. While I finished up with the cookies, we ordered Wingers take out since it was around 8 pm and we were starving. We ate and Wil and I were both so exhausted that we fell asleep pretty quickly after that.
Saturday, I woke up at 4:30 so I could meet up with Jenn and Steph to do my bridal pictures. Of course, I thought I'd brought everything, but I forgot to bring my make-up. Jenn's mom ended up using Mary Kay samples instead. Steph did an AWESOME job with my hair, and Jenn's mom made me look amazing with the make up. The shoot went great and I was much warmer than I thought I would be.
After the photo shoot, Jenn, Steph and I made our way to the Studio for a bridal shower from my dad's family. The theme was all about games. There were cards for a large variety of games all over the walls. Some spelled out "Congrats Jess" and my niece, Annee, spelled "love" with the cards on another wall. It was a lot of fun. For gifts, they gave me a variety of board games. It was so much fun and the games they got for me and Wil are great. I'm so excited to play them.
When I got back to Wil's house, I ran around like a crazy person to try to put away all my wedding dress stuff (the gown was in a garment bag so Wil couldn't see it). Once I stopped to breathe, Nate introduced me to his girlfriend, Megan. We went out to eat with them at a place that Wil and I had never been to. I think it was called Thai Delight. It was amazingly good food. Megan got along really well with Wil and me, especially considering that I was beyond exhausted and Wil wasn't much better. It was a ton of fun.
Shortly after that, as I was falling asleep on the bare floor with a couch cushion as a pillow, Wil asked when I wanted to go deliver the cookies to our friends, the Kenner's. I had made them specifically for them. I groggily told Wil that we can go whenever. He asked if I wanted to go before I fell asleep. I very sleeply agreed. I told Wil that we should probably call them. Wil said they are my friends too so I should call them. I tried not to be annoyed when I told him that I am fine with going anywhere but I would not call anyone at the moment. I was tired and falling asleep and he could barely understand me when we were right next to each other. So he ended up calling them. The Kenner's, Chris and Brittany, were just about to head to the Gateway to get some ice cream. They invited us to come along.
So we headed out for our 2nd double date in the same day. We gave them the cookies, which they were really excited about, and went to the Gateway. After hanging out there for a while, we finally got Ben & Jerry's and decided we should all go back to Wil's house for either a movie or so that Chris and Wil could play a game. We planned on watching Iron Man. That didn't happen. Wil and Chris played Little Big Planet, and Brittany quickly fell asleep on Chris' lap. I was attempting to stay awake to hang out with them, but it didn't last long and I finally decided to go to bed.
On Sunday, we had been invited to a dinner with Wil's cousins on his mom's side. So we headed down to Provo so that I could meet them and Wil could catch up with them. It was a lot of fun. Wil kept us all laughing almost the entire time. When we got home, I relaxed for a few minutes, did my homework and then quickly fell asleep again. Apparently, I didn't get enough sleep this weekend because I still feel like I'm asleep. Oh well. It was crazy, but it was SO much fun. I haven't laughed that much in a long time. This weekend also reminded me how much I enjoy being with my family, and my friends and how much I love spending any amount of time doing anything with Wil.
After work, I worked on making cookies. Half way through making the cookies, Wil's brother, Drew, came over to help us get the couch that was downstairs out onto the patio. Wil and I purchased a really nice couch from my great aunt that we want to move down there. The blue couch that was being moved out is seriously heavy. Drew was at the bottom holding most of the weight. Moving that thing just about made Wil pass out since he's not really used to moving heavy objects. Drew was resting the couch on his head for a while, so we were afraid he might break his neck for the 3rd time. It was scary to watch all of that an know there was nothing I could do to help.
After moving that, I went back to making cookies only to discover that we were out of chocolate chips (which is crazy because I swear there were at least 2 bags in 2 different cupboards last week). So, Wil and I went to go get chocolate chips. While I finished up with the cookies, we ordered Wingers take out since it was around 8 pm and we were starving. We ate and Wil and I were both so exhausted that we fell asleep pretty quickly after that.
Saturday, I woke up at 4:30 so I could meet up with Jenn and Steph to do my bridal pictures. Of course, I thought I'd brought everything, but I forgot to bring my make-up. Jenn's mom ended up using Mary Kay samples instead. Steph did an AWESOME job with my hair, and Jenn's mom made me look amazing with the make up. The shoot went great and I was much warmer than I thought I would be.
After the photo shoot, Jenn, Steph and I made our way to the Studio for a bridal shower from my dad's family. The theme was all about games. There were cards for a large variety of games all over the walls. Some spelled out "Congrats Jess" and my niece, Annee, spelled "love" with the cards on another wall. It was a lot of fun. For gifts, they gave me a variety of board games. It was so much fun and the games they got for me and Wil are great. I'm so excited to play them.
When I got back to Wil's house, I ran around like a crazy person to try to put away all my wedding dress stuff (the gown was in a garment bag so Wil couldn't see it). Once I stopped to breathe, Nate introduced me to his girlfriend, Megan. We went out to eat with them at a place that Wil and I had never been to. I think it was called Thai Delight. It was amazingly good food. Megan got along really well with Wil and me, especially considering that I was beyond exhausted and Wil wasn't much better. It was a ton of fun.
Shortly after that, as I was falling asleep on the bare floor with a couch cushion as a pillow, Wil asked when I wanted to go deliver the cookies to our friends, the Kenner's. I had made them specifically for them. I groggily told Wil that we can go whenever. He asked if I wanted to go before I fell asleep. I very sleeply agreed. I told Wil that we should probably call them. Wil said they are my friends too so I should call them. I tried not to be annoyed when I told him that I am fine with going anywhere but I would not call anyone at the moment. I was tired and falling asleep and he could barely understand me when we were right next to each other. So he ended up calling them. The Kenner's, Chris and Brittany, were just about to head to the Gateway to get some ice cream. They invited us to come along.
So we headed out for our 2nd double date in the same day. We gave them the cookies, which they were really excited about, and went to the Gateway. After hanging out there for a while, we finally got Ben & Jerry's and decided we should all go back to Wil's house for either a movie or so that Chris and Wil could play a game. We planned on watching Iron Man. That didn't happen. Wil and Chris played Little Big Planet, and Brittany quickly fell asleep on Chris' lap. I was attempting to stay awake to hang out with them, but it didn't last long and I finally decided to go to bed.
On Sunday, we had been invited to a dinner with Wil's cousins on his mom's side. So we headed down to Provo so that I could meet them and Wil could catch up with them. It was a lot of fun. Wil kept us all laughing almost the entire time. When we got home, I relaxed for a few minutes, did my homework and then quickly fell asleep again. Apparently, I didn't get enough sleep this weekend because I still feel like I'm asleep. Oh well. It was crazy, but it was SO much fun. I haven't laughed that much in a long time. This weekend also reminded me how much I enjoy being with my family, and my friends and how much I love spending any amount of time doing anything with Wil.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Rain's Surgery
Most of those who know me, know that my dog had to go into surgery yesterday to remove a mast cell tumor that was on her neck. I thought I'd let you all know how she is and post a few pictures of how sad she looked last night (she was probably just seriously groggy, but Wil and I had trouble not laughing at her a few times).
Wil dropped her off early in the morning so she could get x-rays and blood work done to make sure that the one tumor was the only one she had. The results came back on that around 11 am. As far as they could tell with the tests they'd done, Rain only had the one tumor. The vet called me to let me know of the potential things that could happen with the surgery. I'm not going to go into that. I felt better after talking to her, and was finally able to relax a little about how Rain was doing. She went into surgery about an hour later.
Around 6 pm, the vet called and talked to Wil. He was told that the surgery went great and we could pick her up around 7:30 or 8. He was also told that they didn't have to cut into the muscle like they thought they would so Rain's pain would also be less than they thought it would be. When we went to pick her up, the vet tech went over what we need to do with her to make sure she heals. She needs three different pills taken once or twice a day.
When we got home, we gave Rain the pills she needed and put her on her bed in the kitchen while I made dinner. She was clearly exhausted but seemed to refuse to fall asleep. It was ridiculous. I could tell how tired she was and it was killing me to see her like that. I even tried laying on the floor next to her to try to get her to go to sleep. She did relax and laid her head on my arm with our noses touching, but she heard a sound and she made herself be as alert as she could be. Finally, she passed out and didn't wake up until I had to move her into her kennel for the night.
This morning, she seemed a lot more like herself. She was wagging her tail and really excited to see me when I let her out. She didn't jump around like she used to (which is actually nice because it allows me to walk without almost falling over her). It was really cute because she just stuck by my side as I got her food then started to eat while I got her pills ready. I think she smelled the peanut butter because a few seconds after I got it opened, she was timidly walking back inside (she knows she's not allowed inside unless we tell her to come in). I gave her the pills hidden in peanut butter, took her to go potty, and then put her back in her kennel since Wil wasn't awake to watch her yet.
Wil should be taking her to the vet soon so they can remove the bandage on her neck and make sure the surgery site looks good. All seems to be going as well as can be expected. Rain is very happy to be home with us again (which is probably why she didn't want to fall asleep..she was probably afraid that she'd wake up with more of her shaven and in more pain). The pictures were taken last night while I made dinner and watched her.
Wil dropped her off early in the morning so she could get x-rays and blood work done to make sure that the one tumor was the only one she had. The results came back on that around 11 am. As far as they could tell with the tests they'd done, Rain only had the one tumor. The vet called me to let me know of the potential things that could happen with the surgery. I'm not going to go into that. I felt better after talking to her, and was finally able to relax a little about how Rain was doing. She went into surgery about an hour later.
Around 6 pm, the vet called and talked to Wil. He was told that the surgery went great and we could pick her up around 7:30 or 8. He was also told that they didn't have to cut into the muscle like they thought they would so Rain's pain would also be less than they thought it would be. When we went to pick her up, the vet tech went over what we need to do with her to make sure she heals. She needs three different pills taken once or twice a day.
When we got home, we gave Rain the pills she needed and put her on her bed in the kitchen while I made dinner. She was clearly exhausted but seemed to refuse to fall asleep. It was ridiculous. I could tell how tired she was and it was killing me to see her like that. I even tried laying on the floor next to her to try to get her to go to sleep. She did relax and laid her head on my arm with our noses touching, but she heard a sound and she made herself be as alert as she could be. Finally, she passed out and didn't wake up until I had to move her into her kennel for the night.
This morning, she seemed a lot more like herself. She was wagging her tail and really excited to see me when I let her out. She didn't jump around like she used to (which is actually nice because it allows me to walk without almost falling over her). It was really cute because she just stuck by my side as I got her food then started to eat while I got her pills ready. I think she smelled the peanut butter because a few seconds after I got it opened, she was timidly walking back inside (she knows she's not allowed inside unless we tell her to come in). I gave her the pills hidden in peanut butter, took her to go potty, and then put her back in her kennel since Wil wasn't awake to watch her yet.
Wil should be taking her to the vet soon so they can remove the bandage on her neck and make sure the surgery site looks good. All seems to be going as well as can be expected. Rain is very happy to be home with us again (which is probably why she didn't want to fall asleep..she was probably afraid that she'd wake up with more of her shaven and in more pain). The pictures were taken last night while I made dinner and watched her.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Wait Until Dark
The Empress Theatre (http://www.empresstheatre.com/) in Magna is starting their new show, Wait Until Dark, starting on Friday. The Empress always puts on a great show and the theatre there is amazing. There are 3 sections (South, North and East) so it's always fun to see every show in each of the sections because you get a completely different angle on the show. I've helped out at the box office, the concession stand, as an usher, and as an audience member many times, and no matter how many times I hear/see a show, it is always amazing. Also, my cousin's husband as well of some others I know well are in the cast. They are all great at what they do and I can't wait to see Wait Until Dark.
My mom and I will be helping out at the box office for this show. If you want to get tickets when we'll be there, get them for one of the following days:
Friday, October 31st
Saturday November 1st
Friday November 14th
We'd love to see you there. Seriously, the Empress is a great little theatre in Magna and I want to do what I can to help support it. If you have any questions, go to their website, http://www.empresstheatre.com/ or ask me and I can probably find out for you.
End free publicity now... :)
My mom and I will be helping out at the box office for this show. If you want to get tickets when we'll be there, get them for one of the following days:
Friday, October 31st
Saturday November 1st
Friday November 14th
We'd love to see you there. Seriously, the Empress is a great little theatre in Magna and I want to do what I can to help support it. If you have any questions, go to their website, http://www.empresstheatre.com/ or ask me and I can probably find out for you.
End free publicity now... :)
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Sunday Adventures...Kind of
Today, Wil and I decided to go to the ward he lives in. We'd never been there before but Terrill (Wil's mom) talked to the bishop of that ward and he agreed to marry us. So, we went to sacrament meeting (because it was last and we had no idea where the other classes would be for sure). It was the primary program, which Wil and I think is always great fun.
After the meeting was over, we tried to catch up with the bishop. Wil introduced himself, and the bishop asked if he was new to the ward. Wil said yes, and the bishop to us to follow him. He took us to the clerk's office and got a paper for Wil to fill out so that his records could get to this ward. Before we sat down so Wil could fill out it, I stopped Bishop Ebbert and let him know that we were the ones Wil's mom called about. He was so excited to meet us. We let him know that we'll be going to that ward from now on so he'll get a chance to speak with us more.
Once Wil had filled out the paper, we looked around for someone to give it to. Luckily, the membership clerk passed us right at that moment, noticed the paper in Wil's hand, introduced himself, and took the form. We turned around to find the bishop so we could give the pen back that we borrowed. Instead, we ran into the guy that lives next door (we have no idea what his name is...), shook hands with him, and spotted the bishop. We gave the pen back and as we were at the doors, we were stopped by the first counselor of the bishopric (we think). I was just stepping down to head to the car when he stopped us. I was surprised and whirled around so fast that my left heel (which was still inside and higher than my right) got caught on the metal part and I basically fell out the door. Luckily, I didn't actually fall. I just looked really stupid as I tried to catch my footing. He talked to us for a while and let us know that after church next week is a meeting for those who are new to the ward so that they can get to know who the leadership of the ward was. We promised we'd be there, shook hands, and were finally able to leave.
Anyway, we were finally able to leave after being stopped by so many people, I was thankful to get out of my new high heels (seriously painful).
After the meeting was over, we tried to catch up with the bishop. Wil introduced himself, and the bishop asked if he was new to the ward. Wil said yes, and the bishop to us to follow him. He took us to the clerk's office and got a paper for Wil to fill out so that his records could get to this ward. Before we sat down so Wil could fill out it, I stopped Bishop Ebbert and let him know that we were the ones Wil's mom called about. He was so excited to meet us. We let him know that we'll be going to that ward from now on so he'll get a chance to speak with us more.
Once Wil had filled out the paper, we looked around for someone to give it to. Luckily, the membership clerk passed us right at that moment, noticed the paper in Wil's hand, introduced himself, and took the form. We turned around to find the bishop so we could give the pen back that we borrowed. Instead, we ran into the guy that lives next door (we have no idea what his name is...), shook hands with him, and spotted the bishop. We gave the pen back and as we were at the doors, we were stopped by the first counselor of the bishopric (we think). I was just stepping down to head to the car when he stopped us. I was surprised and whirled around so fast that my left heel (which was still inside and higher than my right) got caught on the metal part and I basically fell out the door. Luckily, I didn't actually fall. I just looked really stupid as I tried to catch my footing. He talked to us for a while and let us know that after church next week is a meeting for those who are new to the ward so that they can get to know who the leadership of the ward was. We promised we'd be there, shook hands, and were finally able to leave.
Anyway, we were finally able to leave after being stopped by so many people, I was thankful to get out of my new high heels (seriously painful).
Monday, October 13, 2008
Insanity Everywhere I Turn
Lately, I have been stretched so thin, and extremely stressed. Last week was probably the worst in a long time. I had a ton of work to do all week, but was only able to get a small amount done and get the rest semi-organized. Thursday, we had vistors from Atlanta in our office, so I spent the morning trying to make my desk look slightly more presentable. Friday, one of them was here again, the one I work with most closesly. I spent all morning and a large part of the afternoon with him trying to fix a problem. That turned out to be a huge waste of time. Oh well, it was still nice to get to work with him face to face rather than through e-mail or phone.
Thursday evening, Wil and I went to a work party (with my boss, the vistors and a few other people in the office and their spouses). Wil ended up sitting across from Russ, my boss, which made me a little scared since I've never really been around him in a non-work setting. I sat across from Melinda, who is the wife of one of Russ' work friends as well as the recruiter who placed me in my job. The dinner went very well and, thanks in a large part to Melinda's friendly-ness and talkitiveness, Wil and I had a great time and were able to talk without feeling awkward. Melinda was talking to Wil and I about wedding plans, where we'll leave, and what Wil does. When we explained that he currently doesn't have a job and is just going to school on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, she offered him a job for a week. Wil met with Melinda on Friday and got it all worked out.
Saturday was rough for me. Wil and I took Rain to the groomers, but I couldn't find her current vaccination records so we had to reschedule. We then took her to the vet because she has a fairly large lump on the side of her neck. It's been there for quite a while, didn't seem to bother her, and as far as we could tell, wasn't growing. Anyway, we decided to have it checked out. The vet and the vet tech both said that she seems to be in great shape. The vet told us that the lump could be three different things, first, a mass cell tumor (like a cancerous tumor in a human, but this is the dog version), second, a beign/fatty tumor that wasn't a big deal but could be removed if we wanted it to be, and third, it could be an infected cist, in which case they would either drain it, or it would eventually drain itself and be resolved. Of course, I was hoping for the 3rd option. It turns out that the lump is actually a mass cell tumor. While the vet went over what should be done, I listened and refused to look at Wil or Rain because I would have likely started crying. The vet left the room to get us an estimate of how much the surgery would cost to remove the tumor (while they did that, they'd look for others just to make sure she doesn't have on in her organs or anywhere else). Once she left, I broke down and cried on Wil's shoulder for a bit. He did what he could to comfort me and I was able to gain control before the vet tech came back in with the estimate and to walk us out so we could set up an appointment for the surgery. I've been trying hard not to think about it, but I'm scared to death that she'll have more tumors and they might not be able to remove them safely. I felt like kicking myself for not getting it checked sooner, but as Wil reminded, I didn't have the money to get her checked out then, let alone the money I'd need for the surgery. Anyway, her surgery is a week from Thursday. Wil has agreed to take her in while I go to work. I'll pick her up afterwards (scary thought).
Wil started his job today. He works 8 hours a day today through Friday in the excavation department at my work, Sinclair Oil. It's a great job oppertunity, even if it is only for a week and mainly involves filing and other mind-numbing tasts. He and I met for lunch and he seemed like he was doing well and was pleased with himself. I am so excited for him. Even if he doesn't end up getting a permanant position here at Sinclair, Melinda can hook him up with other temp jobs so he can get a variety of different jobs under his belt and hopefully find something he enjoys doing so he can turn that into a career.
Anyway, I have a massive pile (actually a few of them) of work that I still need to work on so I'll end this for now.
Thursday evening, Wil and I went to a work party (with my boss, the vistors and a few other people in the office and their spouses). Wil ended up sitting across from Russ, my boss, which made me a little scared since I've never really been around him in a non-work setting. I sat across from Melinda, who is the wife of one of Russ' work friends as well as the recruiter who placed me in my job. The dinner went very well and, thanks in a large part to Melinda's friendly-ness and talkitiveness, Wil and I had a great time and were able to talk without feeling awkward. Melinda was talking to Wil and I about wedding plans, where we'll leave, and what Wil does. When we explained that he currently doesn't have a job and is just going to school on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, she offered him a job for a week. Wil met with Melinda on Friday and got it all worked out.
Saturday was rough for me. Wil and I took Rain to the groomers, but I couldn't find her current vaccination records so we had to reschedule. We then took her to the vet because she has a fairly large lump on the side of her neck. It's been there for quite a while, didn't seem to bother her, and as far as we could tell, wasn't growing. Anyway, we decided to have it checked out. The vet and the vet tech both said that she seems to be in great shape. The vet told us that the lump could be three different things, first, a mass cell tumor (like a cancerous tumor in a human, but this is the dog version), second, a beign/fatty tumor that wasn't a big deal but could be removed if we wanted it to be, and third, it could be an infected cist, in which case they would either drain it, or it would eventually drain itself and be resolved. Of course, I was hoping for the 3rd option. It turns out that the lump is actually a mass cell tumor. While the vet went over what should be done, I listened and refused to look at Wil or Rain because I would have likely started crying. The vet left the room to get us an estimate of how much the surgery would cost to remove the tumor (while they did that, they'd look for others just to make sure she doesn't have on in her organs or anywhere else). Once she left, I broke down and cried on Wil's shoulder for a bit. He did what he could to comfort me and I was able to gain control before the vet tech came back in with the estimate and to walk us out so we could set up an appointment for the surgery. I've been trying hard not to think about it, but I'm scared to death that she'll have more tumors and they might not be able to remove them safely. I felt like kicking myself for not getting it checked sooner, but as Wil reminded, I didn't have the money to get her checked out then, let alone the money I'd need for the surgery. Anyway, her surgery is a week from Thursday. Wil has agreed to take her in while I go to work. I'll pick her up afterwards (scary thought).
Wil started his job today. He works 8 hours a day today through Friday in the excavation department at my work, Sinclair Oil. It's a great job oppertunity, even if it is only for a week and mainly involves filing and other mind-numbing tasts. He and I met for lunch and he seemed like he was doing well and was pleased with himself. I am so excited for him. Even if he doesn't end up getting a permanant position here at Sinclair, Melinda can hook him up with other temp jobs so he can get a variety of different jobs under his belt and hopefully find something he enjoys doing so he can turn that into a career.
Anyway, I have a massive pile (actually a few of them) of work that I still need to work on so I'll end this for now.
Monday, September 22, 2008
8 Things-Tagged by Toni
8 Things I am Passionate About:
1. My family
2. My friends
3. My dog :)
4. Music
5. Photography
6. Life
7. Books/Reading
8. Cooking for others/doing stuff for other people just because
8 Words or Phrases I Say Often:
1. Will do
2. That's so funny
3. I love you
4. Seriously
5. Tis true
6. Sure
7. What?
8. Ok
8 Things I want to do before I Die:
1. Get married (only 75 days!!)
2. Have kids
3. Go to Germany
4. Have my own photography business (even if it's not big)
5. See my grandkids
6. Own a house without a mortgage (it'll happen one of these days..)
7. Get completely out of debt
8. Get a degree (only 7 more weeks...)
8 Things I Have Learned From my Past:
1. Nothing worth having comes easily
2. You miss the little things the most, but don't realize it until they are gone
3. Even diamonds start as coal (the best things don't always start out so nice)
4. Drinking maple syrup straight from the bottle is not a good idea
5. Never say you don't like something you've never tried. Some of the scariest/worst looking things I've had tasted the best
6. It's fun to act like a kid. When you get the chance to let loose, be silly, act like a kid, or dance like a crazy person, do it!
7. Don't take anything too seriously
8. Make time to spend with your loved ones. It can always be done no matter how busy your life is.
8 Places I Would Love to Go or See:
1. Germany
2. Australia
3. Anything in Europe
4. The Grand Canyon
5. Disneyland/Disneyworld
6. Hawaii
7. Japan
8. New Zealand
8 Things I Currently Need or Want:
1. Money
2. To be out of debt (see #1)
3. To be done with school (so close....)
4. Gas (for my car..)
5. Ice cream
6. Time (to myself, to spend with Wil, to spend with Rain, and to get everything done that I have to do)
7. Sleep
8. The Office season 4
8 people I tag:
Jenn W, Dad, Steph, Angie/Nate, Sid, Wil (I doubt he'll do it though..), and anyone else who feels like it
1. My family
2. My friends
3. My dog :)
4. Music
5. Photography
6. Life
7. Books/Reading
8. Cooking for others/doing stuff for other people just because
8 Words or Phrases I Say Often:
1. Will do
2. That's so funny
3. I love you
4. Seriously
5. Tis true
6. Sure
7. What?
8. Ok
8 Things I want to do before I Die:
1. Get married (only 75 days!!)
2. Have kids
3. Go to Germany
4. Have my own photography business (even if it's not big)
5. See my grandkids
6. Own a house without a mortgage (it'll happen one of these days..)
7. Get completely out of debt
8. Get a degree (only 7 more weeks...)
8 Things I Have Learned From my Past:
1. Nothing worth having comes easily
2. You miss the little things the most, but don't realize it until they are gone
3. Even diamonds start as coal (the best things don't always start out so nice)
4. Drinking maple syrup straight from the bottle is not a good idea
5. Never say you don't like something you've never tried. Some of the scariest/worst looking things I've had tasted the best
6. It's fun to act like a kid. When you get the chance to let loose, be silly, act like a kid, or dance like a crazy person, do it!
7. Don't take anything too seriously
8. Make time to spend with your loved ones. It can always be done no matter how busy your life is.
8 Places I Would Love to Go or See:
1. Germany
2. Australia
3. Anything in Europe
4. The Grand Canyon
5. Disneyland/Disneyworld
6. Hawaii
7. Japan
8. New Zealand
8 Things I Currently Need or Want:
1. Money
2. To be out of debt (see #1)
3. To be done with school (so close....)
4. Gas (for my car..)
5. Ice cream
6. Time (to myself, to spend with Wil, to spend with Rain, and to get everything done that I have to do)
7. Sleep
8. The Office season 4
8 people I tag:
Jenn W, Dad, Steph, Angie/Nate, Sid, Wil (I doubt he'll do it though..), and anyone else who feels like it
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Remembering Smokey
I found out some incredibly sad news yesterday. My mom's dog, Smokey, who has been in our family since she was 3 months old and would have been with us for 15 years next month, had to be put to sleep today. Smokey was the sweetest dog ever and one of the prettiest I'd ever seen.
Mom picked up Smokey at from the Humane Society. She was looking at the puppies and found two that she really liked. One was Smokey, the other was a Sheltie. Smokey was one of 8 in a litter of collie/border collie puppies, but she was the only one mom thought was cute. Another lady was looking at both puppies as well and since she got there first, mom told her to choose first and she would take the other one. Of course, the woman chose the Sheltie and we got Smokey. Mom picked me up from school with Smokey in the car. I was so excited to see that we'd gotten another dog. Dad didn't really want a dog in the house at all.
When the rest of the family got home, we all suggested different names for her. Jenn wanted something like Princess or Lady (can't remember for sure anymore), and the boys wanted something equally not right. I wanted her to be named Cocoa or something like that. None of us could agree on a name. Finally, mom said that the dog would be named by the one person who could care less about her, dad. Dad noticed that she had a black patch on her back and thought it looked kind of like thick smoke so he came up with the name Smokey.
Smokey was a very well behaved dog, in most ways. She would play with us and would never bite down on our hands even when they were completely in her mouth. She loved it when we'd feed her human food (which we did often). Mom would usually share a bag of M&M's with Smokey. The funniest (and saddest in a way) thing was when she ate an entire chocolate sheet cake. There was only one row of cake that didn't have chunks taken out of it. If we'd gotten home a few minutes later, the whole thing probably would have been gone. We threw it all out anyway since she'd probably been drooling on the whole thing.
Anyway, Smokey will definitely be missed. We all loved her. Even dad eventually put up with her and even began to love her too. I know that the person who will miss her the most is my mom. Smokey was always there for mom, especially when dad was out of town. It'll be hardest on mom. It's hard to walk into mom and dad's house and not see her sleeping lazily in the living room and waging her tail because she was insanely excited to see you.
I'll always love you Smokey.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)