Wednesday, January 4, 2012

I've decided to star the couch to 5k program again. I did my first run on Monday. The fun thing about it this time is that a friend of mine is doing it right now too, and she happened to start on Monday as well. Today is day 2 for both of us.

Monday's run went fairly well. During the run, I tried to pay attention to what tricks my mind was using on me to make me stop, how true or untrue those thoughts were, and figure out how my body actually feels. It's amazing to me how many times I tried to talk myself into stopping. I made so many excuses and reasons for why I had to stop and most of them were untrue. I could have made better excuses using the truth rather than the made up stuff that I tell myself since that is what I'm used to telling myself. Here are a few of the lies/reasons my mind came up with for why I should stop:

1. No one was in the gym with me so no one would know if I didn't actually complete the workout.

2. I can't run for a full minute without stopping because my asthma won't let me

3. I don't really want to run anyway. I've never liked it much

4. I'll pass out or fall off this treadmill soon if I don't stop

5. I've done enough for today. I don't really need to finish this do I?

6. I'll never be a good runner. My body isn't made to do this

7. Holy crap my legs hurt. I have to stop before I damage something

Some of those are seriously baffeling to me, but those were actually the ones that got closest to making me stop. Now, here is the truth behind all those reasons and why I didn't listen to them.

1. I'll know if I didn't do this and I hate lying to my husband since I know how proud of me he'd be if I just complete this. Besides, I'm sick of lying to myself and saying I'll do something and then not do it.

2. While that may be true sometimes, during that run, my breathing was just fine. I know what it feels like to have an asthma attack, and when one is coming on and I was fine. I was breathing heavily, which I'm not used to, but I was getting enough air.

3. I've never liked running because I've never been able to do it for long. I have to start somewhere. Maybe I won't like running, but since I've never actually tried doing it for very long, I can't justify saying I don't like it.

4. I felt light headed a bit, but not nearly enough to pass out.

5. I'd done more than what I usually did, but I was there to see if I could do the whole thing, not just part of it. I wanted to prove to myself that I am tough enough to do this.

6. My body can do amazing things. I may never be a race winning runner, but I can run and my body is made to move.

7. Yes, my legs hurt...a lot, but they didn't feel damaged. They felt sore and tired like they are supposed to when you run. They were still moving at the pace I wanted them to and I hadn't even come close to falling so they were fine.

It's crazy what my mind will do to try to get me to not work out. I'm determined to continue to pay attention to them so I can stop those thoughts in their tracks and change them into something positive instead. I will not be defeated by my own mind anymore. I'm not happy with how I look and act, so something has to change. That something is my mind set. I can feel the shift starting. I know I'm in for a tough ride, but I also know that I am capable of doing this.