Friday, January 23, 2009

Blech

As I've said, this blog is for my random thoughts. This post wil be one of those times when I just want to write out my thoughts. It is not intended to be taken completely seriously. It is not a request for some serious advice or anything. I just need to get out of my own head a little and writing is my way of doing that. Of course, if you have some advice that you believe would be helpful, I am always happy to hear it. Ok, here I go...

Have you ever wanted to kill your spouse, but you have no idea exactly why you want that? I have. This past week has been really hard on me and, other than the obvious reason, I have no idea why.

My asthma has been awful this week, especially Monday night through Wednesday, but it still isn't where I would like it to be. I had a blessing on Monday and went to the doctor on Tuesday. My doctor gave me a ton more medicine and strict instructions on how much to take of what and when. It was insane.

So, lately, anytime Wil reminds me to take my medicine or asks me if I've done it (which he only does because he's concerned about my health..I know...), I end up getting really snippity and think of a ton of ways to use my medicine to make him uncomfortable. I know that doesn't really fit with the whole "newlywed" thing usually, but I've never claimed to be normal.

Anyway, I've come up with and, thankfully avoided doing, many horrific things that I could do to my husband, or the next person who happens to look at me. Even when Wil has done nothing annoying and hasn't said anything remotely obnoxious, I sometimes still want to destroy him. So my question is why. I don't think I could ever actually figure that out.

Last night, while I was getting ready for bed, I had one of those unexplainable moments. I was just listening to my iPod as I got ready for bed and layed down to go to sleep. Wil wasn't even in the room. When he came in to talk to me for a few seconds, I was annoyed that he didn't realize I was in a bad mood and that he didn't try to cheer me up, and at the same time, I was thankful that he stayed away.

I don't think I'll ever really understand what has been going on with me this week. In the end though, I've decided that no matter how much I might feel the urge to kill my husband, if in the end, I realize that I love him far more than I am annoyed by him, than that is what matters. Since I love him more than anything else in my life, besides my faith, I don't think I could ever actually bring myself to do anything to hurt him.

Thus ends my rambling thoughts.

1 comment:

Ginny Williams said...

no profound answers or comments. Hang in there girl :) (((HUGS)))